Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend is half my size but takes up three quarters of the bed. If my math is correct, she’s a b!tch
Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously it`s a girl because it won`t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
Laughter is the best medicine, but if you are laughing for no reason, you might need medicine.