Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Here is your New Years Resolution. All of that stupid sh!t you did last year? Don’t do that crap this year. Done. You’re welcome.
I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
Me: Dad, going to the 50cents concert. Dad: Here`s a dollar, take your sister with you.
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
All I want for Christmas is for these calories to not count.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.