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I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
He said the spark between us was gone..so I tasered him..... Ill ask him again when he wakes up
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
If people winked in real life as much as they do in texts, the world would be a really creepy place.
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
"Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we`re gonna have to ask you to leave."
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.