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I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can`t dance.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.
Apparently asking girl scouts which cookie pairs nicely with whiskey is inappropriate....