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If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Remeber that time we came to work and we were excited? Me neither.
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
Is Nudeism a religion?
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.
I`ve been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat
Aaron Hernandez`s next jersey is going to be a jailhouse jumpsuit!