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I can`t wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Redneck Word : debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
It`s weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards