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If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
If it requires pants, its not happening today.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.
My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie.. She manually Retweets everything I say... To my wife!
Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
My mom says I`m special.
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
I like to go to the bathroom with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
There’s a reason why “sober” and “so bored” sound almost exactly the same.
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.