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I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
Love makes the world go `round, but alcohol makes it spin.
Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
I`ve been eating a lot of extra calories since daylight savings to make up for that hour of eating I missed.
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.