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Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice ... it`s cuz you have really nice tits.
I can’t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?