Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
Either my cooking’s improved or my family’s immune systems have strengthened.
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of