Daily Silly Status

I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."

I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"

If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.

I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.

Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.

Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.

When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.

There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.

Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.

Personally, I think failure should be an option

Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.

Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.

I`ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.

What kind of downward spiral would cause a person to "like" cream cheese on Facebook?

"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver