Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.
The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
I`m just a guy struggling to find the appropriate level of inappropriateness for every social interaction I`m unlucky enough to be a part of
Dating should be like buying a car. You should get to talk to the previous owners... SHOW ME THE MANFAX!!
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
It’s a status….not your diary…
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.