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I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
Dear Maytag: Why don`t your dryers have a Fold cycle? It`s 2018 for chrissake!
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
Life hack: If you keep your mouth shut, no one will know you`re so stupid
I’m so happy people can’t hear what I’m thinking.
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.
I’m actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.