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I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose beer.
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.