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I end a sentence with "just sayin" because ending it with "dumbass" would be offensive.
How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
You, my friend, deserve a high-five... that’s four more fingers than I normally give.
I saw that! - Karma
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.
You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!