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Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!