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Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
If I had a time machine, I’d probably just use it so I wouldn’t have to throw out so many bananas.
Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
I love my toilet. We`ve been through alot of sh!t together.
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
I`m never more nervous than when I tell a doctor what I actually eat.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.