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I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.
If you play my workday backwards, it`s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.