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I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
How many facebook friends do you have that if they posted "I`m depressed and on the edge", your first thought would be to poke them?
Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
My grandfather once waited in line for 36 hours to get a loaf of bread and I can`t wait two seconds for a Youtube video to load.
Like a good neighbor, stay over there
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.