Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
The best part about being at work on Friday is that it gives me 9 hours to figure out what I`m going to drink tonight.
Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the sh!t out of them then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
From now on when someone asks you where you`re from look them dead in the eye and say: Planet Venus.
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
If someone doesn’t stand up to let you pass them in movie theater seats, it’s totally cool and legal to fart in their face as you walk by.
People – the most gentle, loving, kind, sympathetic, peaceful and caring creatures in the world. Especially when they need something from you.
I take so many things with a grain of salt that I`m surprised I don`t have high blood pressure.
Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables.
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
Twice-baked potatoes, refried beans, etc.: Damn, people, cook it right the first time or get out of the kitchen!
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...