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Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
The best way to get over someone is probably with your car
I drink coffee for your protection.
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.