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Steve Jobs is now working with God to make iWife... Beauty with brains and Mute button
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
when my swear jar gets full I`m going to use the money to buy a f*cking puppy
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
Five little words that will win my heart, "I brought beer and pizza."
Sometimes, I don`t know how I`m going to get through the day. Then I remember: I have beers waiting for me at home. I can do this for them
Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.
If your dog is fat it means that you don`t get enough exercise.
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.