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LIFE TIP: The early worm gets dismembered, and eaten alive!
I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
Laxatives............for people who don`t give a crap.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
If a girl bangs ten dudes in a year she is a slut. If a guy done he`s gay. Definitely gay.
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.