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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.
Facebook should win an Emmy for Best Daytime Dramas.
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
My wife’s cooking brings a whole new meaning to.. eat sh!t and die.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.