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If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
I had a doctors appointment today. He said I was normal! See? I told you!!!
I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"