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Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
sleep is for people without netflix
Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.