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Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
Going to: ? Paris ? New York ? London ? KITCHEN... I`m hungry
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
“How are feeling today?” is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
The statement `Hey! Calm down!` has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.