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Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.
That awkward moment when you realize this year is just going to be filled with morons talking about the end of the world the whole time.
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.
The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don’t check their phone for 3 hours.