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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
When I text someone and they don`t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from the excitement.