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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
With the promise of Free Drinks or Food, I’m willing to go pretty much anywhere.
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
The filling in this fortune cookies tastes like paper...
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.
I drink coffee for your protection.