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Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
People who text back... "kk" ... Are so annoying! ....and almost racist
The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
my girlfriend does that cute thing, where she doesnt exist.
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.