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Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
It`s possible you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
I’m not a biologist but I’m pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
I hope these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water because that’s how many times I need to flush.
I liked you better before we met.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
All I`m saying is there`s a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them.
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers