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Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
It may look like Iām having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time Iām just thinking about what food Iām going to eat later.
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
If I lived in England I would approach my boss on payday and say "pound me."
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if Iām not sure what it means
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.