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Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
It may appear like I`m doing nothing, but i`m actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!