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Nothing is as scary as logging into Facebook and seeing someone you were secretly with last night has uploaded a new album.
Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
Next time you ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and just as it starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, "these just fell out of your seat."