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I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can`t see the mailbox when she`s backing up?
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
You know how we smack your household appliances when they`re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.