Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish my mind had a delete button.
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
My wife accused me of spending too much time on Facebook. That’s funny, when did I get a wife?
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.