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I`m at the "what can I make with green beans and cake mix" stage of needing groceries
Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
Don’t jump to confusions.
I wouldn`t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
I will literally spend $20 on food but won’t buy a $20 shirt.
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.