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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
Someday, somewhere, somehow I’m going to do something.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
I can see your camouflage pants, so they`re not working.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but the more important question is, how did they get in there in the first place?
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.