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So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
It’s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.
It`s really cold out there folks. If you`re heading to Wal-Mart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?
People ask me why I don`t have tattoos. Seriously, would you put a bumper sticker on a Lambourghini?
My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.