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LIFE TIP: The early worm gets dismembered, and eaten alive!
Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
once a homeless guy said to me `Hey you got a dollar` and I said `wow your absolutely right..with psychic powers like that I`m surprised your still homeless` got in my car and left..
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.