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Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
My Facebook weather forecast looks like I can expect 2 or 3 inches of drama tonight followed by a lot of bullsh!t blowing in from all directions in the morning.
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!