Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress just so that I’d have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!