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I’ve made some mistakes I wish I could make again.
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
"Everybody freeze!" -December
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along.
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.