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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them... the cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever
Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
Everyday Iām shoveling. ā Winter 2014
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
90% of adulthood is just deleting emails.
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.