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At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
In a thousand years, archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
Literally saw someone get a tattoo of a camel on their toe.
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"......Idiots can`t spell...
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
Life is short, Smile while you still have teeth.
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.