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Wine: How classy people get trashed.
Could you please put your screaming baby on vibrate.
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
The problem with today`s children is that today`s parents are idiots.
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
When I was a boy, Mom would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I would get 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs. You can`t do that now, to many damn security cameras!
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...
It`s always the rednecks that know all the inner most conspiracies of the government.