Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
First fart at my new job.
Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
People that do stuff- what’s your secret?
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.