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My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat…It’s watching what other people eat.
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!