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Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
Those friends who like and at the same time unlike my statuses please you`re increasing my blood pressure!
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
“How are feeling today?” is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.