Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
My wife and I are dieting now… and by dieting, I mean we’re not telling each other about the junk food we eat.
Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
The best part of waking up is.....wait, I didn`t think this through entirely.
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.
Falling out of bed the fun way. Oh wait, there isn`t a fun way....
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie