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Match dot com, but for socks.
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
Yes, I realize I’m leaving early. But don’t forget, I also came in late.
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
I`ve just been watching a documentary on marijuana...... I think all documentaries should be watched this way.