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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
The most common crossfit injury is a black eye from talking about it too much.
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
If there`s no god then how do you explain yoga pants?
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
Dear Cashier, you should stop giving me attitude and acting like you`re job is so complicated and stressful....Self-Checkout has proven that pretty much Anyone can do your job.