Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch.
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
“But I read somewhere…” -me about to make some sh!t up.
I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
I`d take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?