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that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
If only life was as easy as getting fat.
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
Wanna try something funny? Go to a bank and yell "NOBODY MOVE..(Scary pause)..I lost a contact lens."
"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
why do i feel like you are reading this
Dear Cashier, you should stop giving me attitude and acting like you`re job is so complicated and stressful....Self-Checkout has proven that pretty much Anyone can do your job.