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I hate when Iām about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.
No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
Summer is almost over...All you half-naked people are gonna need to find a personality.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
H.A.T.E.R.S. : Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success?
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
Sometimes, when I "like" your post, it`s because my touchscreen is too sensitive and I only meant to scroll by your ass. Sometimes. ;)
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.