Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Me, watching the Olympics: "That was impressive." Announcer: "ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!"
I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
I never tell god how big my problems ,,, I tell my problems how big my god is
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
We`re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
I’m sorry I offended you with my common sense.
Fashion is what you call hideous clothes that are really expensive
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
I`m angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday
Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"