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A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
Just realized I have more in common with Garfield than I have with most people
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
So long pants! See you Monday!
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.