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I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
I`ll be a morning person when it`s Christmas.
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt