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Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.