Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There’s a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email!
Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
My wife and I decided not to have children. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
A homeless man comes up to me asking for change, I say "Change comes from within." He looked stunned.
Even when I’m home alone, I still answer Jeopardy questions out loud.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)