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I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...
Dear Santa: My sister is the "naughty" one ... trust me.
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
Thou shall not promote Christmas until after Thanksgiving.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"