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Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
Facebook account for sale, Friends included...
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.