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According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
My New Years resolution is always don’t die. So far so good.
I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well