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Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.
I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.