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To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
If women really knew what men think, there would be restraining orders on all men.
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
Relationship status: I make my own sandwiches.
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.
<-- Is my name! Isn`t it awesome!?
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.