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We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
It’s annoying when Netflix keeps stopping to buffer. Stupid neighbors just won’t upgrade their WiFi.
I`m sorry did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
They say you`re not supposed to go to the grocery store when you`re hungry. It`s been several days now, what should I do?
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
My first crush was in kindergarten. I instantly knew I was doomed when she colored Neatly and Perfectly inside every line with a smug, superior smile
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.