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Everyone has fitness goals and I’m over here like, if I burn this many calories I can eat a whole pizza.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!