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Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
I know the voices aren`t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas.
Mark my words: In a year, the leading cause of death will be “Beaten to death with a selfie stick”
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
Before telling me to listen to my heart you may want to check that it isn`t telling me to kick you in the shin!
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
I hope when I die Charlie Sheen`s life flashes before my eyes.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.