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I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s okay to lie about your age.
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake
Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car