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Boss: You`re on another break already? Me: No. This is the same one you saw me on an hour ago.
How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead but other people do. The same is true when you are stupid.
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
Bitch, I grew up on the streets!!...Yes, it was Sesame
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
Im convinced that one day we will all live in the future.
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100