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Most problems can be solved with nudity
Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like "Please don`t stay long!" or "I hope you brought booze."
I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn`t even lift him.
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!