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Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
There`s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen
Now tell me how old your baby is in hours.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.