Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
Nobody wants to know your diet. So shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
I like to go on drunk facebook post binges, then claim the next day that someone hacked my account.
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/
Tip of the day: Don`t be a douche!