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My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
I said "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t." but the judge didn`t buy it.
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.