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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn’t even know I was driving.
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.