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A wise man once said nothing.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
Don`t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your `team of writers`
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.