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It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
Your personality needs alcohol.
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
Relationship Status: eating
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
Did Humpty Dumpty sue them motherf*ckers for making that wall so high?
My clothes are 75% off and this is not a sale.
Last week a 13-year-old girl became the youngest female to climb Mount Everest. She didn’t mean to. She was just texting her friend and the next thing she knew she was on top of Mount Everest.
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system