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I woke up this morning with a glass of water on my bedside table with a note saying “for hungover me” I drank it and it was vodka. Drunk me can be such an asshole!
I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Thinking about waking up early for a run. Mostly thinking about how I will not be doing that.
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.
Cheered myself up earlier by putting a "no U-turn" sign in a dead-end street.