Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy".
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
Sometimes putting on pants is the hardest part of my day.
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
This is a lousy dating site.
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.