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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.