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Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
Walked into the kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote I lost 30 minutes ago
In a thousand years, archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge. Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket .. I´d miss you alot and think of you often.
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus