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You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
Nothing says "I`m behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
No matter what you do on the computer you always end up on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Youtube.
We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.