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I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
Went down the gym and burnt 1200 calories today. I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven!
God is creative... I mean look at me??
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
I stopped going to AA because all of their stories were about how they hit rock bottom by waking up next to me.
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
life is too short to match socks
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.