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I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
Sometimes at the gym I`ll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I`ll get my shorts on.
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.