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I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
2 words, 1 finger.
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
The real reason the Mayan civilization collapsed is they never updated their Adobe.
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
I`m not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?
People ask me why I don`t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
Girls just wanna have funds.
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn`t believe in reincarnation either".
They say 1 minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder sluts are so damn skinny.