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Much to my daughters horror, I just sang along to Ace of Base`s “The Sign” at full volume in a van full of her friends. Being a dad is fun!
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home.
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
For some reason, I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why!
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!