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Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
LSD makes users lose weight` That makes sense, it`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat…It’s watching what other people eat.
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
Hate it when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and it’s not even in there.
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!