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Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
If I can`t convince you, I will sure as hell confuse you.
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
"Don`t try this at home"...Okay, i`ll try it at my friend`s house..
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?